Too early to let go.....or is it too late?

Can't type Chinese words.. Don't know why.. Woke up too early today.. Wat the... Something's on my mind..as it always have been. It's been two years. Two years since we've met. I never knew, but there was something right at the beginning. You may or may not know. Other people may or may not know that too.. But what does it matter? It wouldn't change a thing. It wouldn't change the fact, it wont change the past, it couldn't change the present and it can't change how the heart is feeling at the very moment while thinking about you. I did wonder sometimes what is God's will. Did He just wanted me to love without needing to possess it, or did He wanted me to learn to let go. To see that the four-letter word isn't as beautiful, pure and innocent as it seems.. Much more complicated, even..

But I tried to give up.. I really did. I sang myself songs that could make me forget you. Cried and told myself  to forget and let go on endless night. But what good will all that do? The moment your message or you call comes in, I have to reply. Have to. And want to. Maybe I decided deep down in my heart, that I won't ever give up something I so have faith I that easily. Faith? What faith do I have? It's ironic how when you should have faith, you lose it and when you shouldn't have faith on something, that's when you believe the most. People just like to choose to believe. And I don't know why I would choose to believe and wait for something that I know will never happen. Perhaps there's still too much naivity in me.. Or it's simply because I just want hold on the thought that he will always be there for me? No, I want to hold on the thought that I will always be there for him even more. To prove what I do not know. There's nothing to prove. There's no 'til Death do us part'. Because we are apart. And not by someone either. There would always be something in between because we are not supposed to be. But somehow I hold on. Maybe it's because you gave me some courage too. But why do so when you know there is never ever going to be a forever between us? Thanks for caring, thanks for sharing and thanks from the bottom of my heart, for loving. I appreciate love, in whatever form. To me it's the best thing God has created because it lights up a whole world of someone with joy and hope. If ever I had to give you up, it's only because there's no more way that I could ever loved you more. So I'll just keep you safely away in a small corner of my heart, together with the memories, the sweet and bitter, and all that I think of when I think of you- You.