messed up

My bucket list was supposedly my latest post. What's wrong with blogger~ :( 

If anyone's browsing through my blog at all, read the one that says "sem break" first because obviously "sem 2 starts" after the "sem break" :P IF anyone's reading. I know my blog sucks, but hey I'm trying! :DD 

Need ideas on what to write in blogs... Or should I just write whatever that comes to my mind. I wanted it not to look messy though. But I guess blogs reflect the blogger >.< (I'm not that messy, okay?) 

And finally I wanted to end this post with a short passage that I found on Relationship Rules. (There's a page on Facebook and they have really good quotes/advice): 

"Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you and be okay with it."

Winter break aka Sem break

Okay, first of all, I've forgotten about the blog again. Seriously, I do not know why I'd always forget updating my blog. I didn't mean for it to sound like a diary, but blogging once in...I don't know.. a few months? Maybe that's common among other bloggers? I have no idea 'cause, sorry but I am not a person known to "follow" anyone else's updates on their lives, even if their lives are waaaay cooler than mine. I just cannot be bothered, I guess. Or you could say I am too self-centered to. I don't care, I admit it. :P Hey, at least I'm honest :PP 

Once again I'm blogging at night. I just don't know why. Is it just me, or does the darkness and silence of the night makes you think more and hear yourself more? I know health wise, it's not advisable to do so, but I find nighttime really thought-provoking. Haha. Silly me. Me and my weird ways. That's how I live though. I just hope I don't look a zombie when my mom's around. She'd be going on about how bloodless my face looked, and suggesting a few Chinese herbs and plants that would help. Not, that it's that annoying, I know it's for my own good. But hey, I'm 20 years old, and if the I'm-20-I-know-how-to-take-care-of-myself excuse is not good enough, I'm barely 20 and 20 year-olds do not live for health, they live for fun right? My illogical logic. But my point is, I just want to do what I want, while I still can. I don't like my freedom and creativity being taken away. Sometimes I just wanted to be selfish. :P Sorry all you good peeps but that's me. Too bad I'm bad influence for you, but I find myself happier when I don't care to think about what others may see me as. Yep, that's me......I wish. Haha :D Man. It's like there's an annoying twins living inside my heart, acting as if they know what's best for me. And as you may have guessed, they have a different saying to each other. It's a wonder my head hasn't explode yet. Sometimes I act out both ways too. Which is why I think I am truly, 150% genuine Gemini. D: NOT saying that it's a bad thing, but it kind of hurts my head and sometimes even creeps me out because there're several times when I caught myself thinking: "Did I really just thought about that?" or "Why had that even crossed my mind?" >< I know what you might be thinking, that I need some psychiatric help. Maayybe~ But all this while these conflicting thoughts had helped me a lot in making certain decisions. Especially the ones where you know you have to do the right thing but it just didn't seem right. It's like there's a weighing balance in my brain that weighs out the arguments of both sides, and the final decision is made. Of course my emotions and other stuff that might outweigh the arguments have already been taken into account. Ugh. I don't know why I'm sharing all these. I sound like a geek now......or maybe I already am. Whatever. I hadn't realised I've written this much. but since no one hardly reads my stuff I'll continue bullshitting.

Back to winter break. Ahh, back to home country. Of course, so good to be back. Missed my family. Missed my friends. Missed my dog. Missed the food. Missed the familiarity. Missed being able to speak mixed language and no one would not understand what I said. Missed being able to piss off someone instead of getting pissed at someone :P Home sweet home, they say. I couldn't agree more. But I found that I missed Aussie too. Mainly its weather, but alongside with that a couple of other peeps. Or just one, really. *Sigh* No matter how many times I have a crush on someone and failed myself, I just couldn't stop myself from having it. I assume it's normal. Unless...... No. It should be... Anyway, I always wished that we could end up being more than friends but I guess God has other plans for me. I just wish he could hurry up and match me to someone that really loved me and cared about me, and of course I feel the same way for him too. And keep in mind that this is a lover I'm asking for, so don't start on families. I know I'm just 20 years old, young and new and all, but could I at least have a serious relationship already? Geez. It's not like I'm asking for much. Am I? I don't even have any experience on this. Makes me feel so insecure and pathetic, and I hate being that way. >< I am not pathetic. LOL Every night I tried praying, but I know I'll need the courage too. I shouldn't talk too much about this (I know I did already) but I just wanted to update that, my heart is still with me :P I suck at writing so please excuse me. But really, it's not like I wanted or expected anyone to understand me. 'Cause I don't, do I? 

I'll end it here. Thank you (if anyone's reading) for taking your time to read all that I wrote (honestly I can't even remember what I just wrote in the first paragraph now). I don't mean to sound like I have an audience but just in case I do, thanks and always know that you're the best. Spread the love and awesomeness. 

Night.

Sem 2 starts.. *groan*

It's a brand new semester. Everyone's pumped. I'm not. Who knows what the world's going to throw at you? Could be a cake, could be a rock. I'm not going to get my hopes up this time. Oh, I'm excited alright. Who wouldn't be? It's a new semester. I just won't get TOO excited. Not going to expect too much from the world. Instead, this time I'll expect a little more from myself. 

I am twenty years old. I need to do something that I've never done before. Not for anyone, not to please anyone but myself. I have to prove to myself that I can do it if I have the will power and to give myself more rewarding goals to achieve, meanwhile learning something from the struggle. I can't believe I just thought about this. It was like my life before was not really well-lived or something. :P

So here's what I've been wanting to do: (more to come, I'm sure)

- start and finish a book (that's writing one, of course)

- bake a cake or something and share it with someone

- go watch a live sports (any would do)

- improve my writing skills (how? hmm.. by reading more articles and stuff?)

- make a timetable of some sort and stick to it (hey, an organised person are always more productive... So they say ;P)

- be sure to say something positive/encouraging/loving to everyone everyday

- be sure to study and do some revision every night (if not at any other times)

- get a decent part time job (perfect your resume before applying :D)

- manage finances wisely (ALWAYS keep track of the expenses)

- set a target grade to achieve for each unit of study 

- go travelling/backpacking/camping with a bunch of mates

- go volunteer in some national parks of Africa (definitely doing this *_*)

- go get some idea of what real veterinarians do (I am sad to say I haven't really seen much of their routine) and if possible, work at a vet hospital (I am a vet to be, after all!)

- when I settle down (ambiguous term I know but hey who knows), I want a pet dog, cat, parrot, turtle, guinea pig, hamster, snake (non-venomous and not aggressive) and a rabbit :DDD (or at least some of them ^^) 

- Star gazing in the country with a SO (or SO's?) :P 

- BE HAPPY!

Alright, that should be it for now. Sounded more like a resolution xD But the point is, I guess, to always have a goal and work hard towards achieving it so that it gives living a good purpose. :DD

I guess that's my bucket list right there ;P I'll add more to it soon. I know I will. :D

Because you only live once, people.