Winter break aka Sem break

Okay, first of all, I've forgotten about the blog again. Seriously, I do not know why I'd always forget updating my blog. I didn't mean for it to sound like a diary, but blogging once in...I don't know.. a few months? Maybe that's common among other bloggers? I have no idea 'cause, sorry but I am not a person known to "follow" anyone else's updates on their lives, even if their lives are waaaay cooler than mine. I just cannot be bothered, I guess. Or you could say I am too self-centered to. I don't care, I admit it. :P Hey, at least I'm honest :PP 

Once again I'm blogging at night. I just don't know why. Is it just me, or does the darkness and silence of the night makes you think more and hear yourself more? I know health wise, it's not advisable to do so, but I find nighttime really thought-provoking. Haha. Silly me. Me and my weird ways. That's how I live though. I just hope I don't look a zombie when my mom's around. She'd be going on about how bloodless my face looked, and suggesting a few Chinese herbs and plants that would help. Not, that it's that annoying, I know it's for my own good. But hey, I'm 20 years old, and if the I'm-20-I-know-how-to-take-care-of-myself excuse is not good enough, I'm barely 20 and 20 year-olds do not live for health, they live for fun right? My illogical logic. But my point is, I just want to do what I want, while I still can. I don't like my freedom and creativity being taken away. Sometimes I just wanted to be selfish. :P Sorry all you good peeps but that's me. Too bad I'm bad influence for you, but I find myself happier when I don't care to think about what others may see me as. Yep, that's me......I wish. Haha :D Man. It's like there's an annoying twins living inside my heart, acting as if they know what's best for me. And as you may have guessed, they have a different saying to each other. It's a wonder my head hasn't explode yet. Sometimes I act out both ways too. Which is why I think I am truly, 150% genuine Gemini. D: NOT saying that it's a bad thing, but it kind of hurts my head and sometimes even creeps me out because there're several times when I caught myself thinking: "Did I really just thought about that?" or "Why had that even crossed my mind?" >< I know what you might be thinking, that I need some psychiatric help. Maayybe~ But all this while these conflicting thoughts had helped me a lot in making certain decisions. Especially the ones where you know you have to do the right thing but it just didn't seem right. It's like there's a weighing balance in my brain that weighs out the arguments of both sides, and the final decision is made. Of course my emotions and other stuff that might outweigh the arguments have already been taken into account. Ugh. I don't know why I'm sharing all these. I sound like a geek now......or maybe I already am. Whatever. I hadn't realised I've written this much. but since no one hardly reads my stuff I'll continue bullshitting.

Back to winter break. Ahh, back to home country. Of course, so good to be back. Missed my family. Missed my friends. Missed my dog. Missed the food. Missed the familiarity. Missed being able to speak mixed language and no one would not understand what I said. Missed being able to piss off someone instead of getting pissed at someone :P Home sweet home, they say. I couldn't agree more. But I found that I missed Aussie too. Mainly its weather, but alongside with that a couple of other peeps. Or just one, really. *Sigh* No matter how many times I have a crush on someone and failed myself, I just couldn't stop myself from having it. I assume it's normal. Unless...... No. It should be... Anyway, I always wished that we could end up being more than friends but I guess God has other plans for me. I just wish he could hurry up and match me to someone that really loved me and cared about me, and of course I feel the same way for him too. And keep in mind that this is a lover I'm asking for, so don't start on families. I know I'm just 20 years old, young and new and all, but could I at least have a serious relationship already? Geez. It's not like I'm asking for much. Am I? I don't even have any experience on this. Makes me feel so insecure and pathetic, and I hate being that way. >< I am not pathetic. LOL Every night I tried praying, but I know I'll need the courage too. I shouldn't talk too much about this (I know I did already) but I just wanted to update that, my heart is still with me :P I suck at writing so please excuse me. But really, it's not like I wanted or expected anyone to understand me. 'Cause I don't, do I? 

I'll end it here. Thank you (if anyone's reading) for taking your time to read all that I wrote (honestly I can't even remember what I just wrote in the first paragraph now). I don't mean to sound like I have an audience but just in case I do, thanks and always know that you're the best. Spread the love and awesomeness. 

Night.