Year 2 Sem 2

Suddenly felt like writing again. At it again. Have you ever felt a sudden rush to write down your dreams and turn it into a story and stuff? I do. All the time. Sometimes it's the plot, sometimes it's the song and other times it's the images so vivid that I want to remember it forever by drawing it down. But since everything in the dream is either almost always forgotten the moment I wake up, or is too far-fetched even for fictional stories, or too chaotic that the story is missing pieces, it's super hard to put all that into a something that flows and enjoyable for people. It's not like I write only because I want people to acknowledge it, but sometimes having people enjoying it and telling you that they want to know more about it really sounds captivating. People want to know how the story develops, what are the character like, how will they grow in the story. It's also exciting to the person writing because it feels like you're raising them up and trying to make them feel more like a real person instead of just some fictional characters someone created. 

I have absolutely noooooo patience. Zero. Nada. Nil. Hence why it's really hard for me to keep writing. I guess that's more something to do with persistence instead of patience. Though I do really have no patience. It kills for me to be patient. It really does. I guess it's in the gene because my dad is suuuper impatient. He does everything in lightning speed. Not even kidding. He drives, eats, poops, and even gets angry super fast. I'm a bit better, I dare say.  

Back to friggin nutrition. I really wish I can write everyday because it actually feels to me like I did something instead of the usual me lounging around, reading manga etc. Writing this might not sound productive but I guess it's always much better than doing nothing. 

This semester's nutrition sucked so bad. I have no idea whatsoever about the assessments even though the lecturer explained about it. Your accent, man! Your accent! Take that into account to speak slower and try not to mumble geez! Though I can't possibly tell it to his face because I understood the struggle well as a non-native English speaker myself. 

Ahhh it's only the fifth week of the semester. Please treat me well T~T. I really want to be a vet no matter how difficult it may seem. And let me tell you, it's so difficult in so many levels it's unbelievable. But my love for animals will always prevail! Oh, I hope I get the job at the vet hospital. Hope they'll accept me since I've applied twice and got interviewed twice. If not, I'll just have to keep trying! Though it bothers me that if I get it and my sister is really coming I might have to find another place for her as well. That won't really be helping with the expenses, will it? Arghhh. Torn between getting a good live-in job and living with my sister. >< 

messed up

My bucket list was supposedly my latest post. What's wrong with blogger~ :( 

If anyone's browsing through my blog at all, read the one that says "sem break" first because obviously "sem 2 starts" after the "sem break" :P IF anyone's reading. I know my blog sucks, but hey I'm trying! :DD 

Need ideas on what to write in blogs... Or should I just write whatever that comes to my mind. I wanted it not to look messy though. But I guess blogs reflect the blogger >.< (I'm not that messy, okay?) 

And finally I wanted to end this post with a short passage that I found on Relationship Rules. (There's a page on Facebook and they have really good quotes/advice): 

"Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you and be okay with it."

Winter break aka Sem break

Okay, first of all, I've forgotten about the blog again. Seriously, I do not know why I'd always forget updating my blog. I didn't mean for it to sound like a diary, but blogging once in...I don't know.. a few months? Maybe that's common among other bloggers? I have no idea 'cause, sorry but I am not a person known to "follow" anyone else's updates on their lives, even if their lives are waaaay cooler than mine. I just cannot be bothered, I guess. Or you could say I am too self-centered to. I don't care, I admit it. :P Hey, at least I'm honest :PP 

Once again I'm blogging at night. I just don't know why. Is it just me, or does the darkness and silence of the night makes you think more and hear yourself more? I know health wise, it's not advisable to do so, but I find nighttime really thought-provoking. Haha. Silly me. Me and my weird ways. That's how I live though. I just hope I don't look a zombie when my mom's around. She'd be going on about how bloodless my face looked, and suggesting a few Chinese herbs and plants that would help. Not, that it's that annoying, I know it's for my own good. But hey, I'm 20 years old, and if the I'm-20-I-know-how-to-take-care-of-myself excuse is not good enough, I'm barely 20 and 20 year-olds do not live for health, they live for fun right? My illogical logic. But my point is, I just want to do what I want, while I still can. I don't like my freedom and creativity being taken away. Sometimes I just wanted to be selfish. :P Sorry all you good peeps but that's me. Too bad I'm bad influence for you, but I find myself happier when I don't care to think about what others may see me as. Yep, that's me......I wish. Haha :D Man. It's like there's an annoying twins living inside my heart, acting as if they know what's best for me. And as you may have guessed, they have a different saying to each other. It's a wonder my head hasn't explode yet. Sometimes I act out both ways too. Which is why I think I am truly, 150% genuine Gemini. D: NOT saying that it's a bad thing, but it kind of hurts my head and sometimes even creeps me out because there're several times when I caught myself thinking: "Did I really just thought about that?" or "Why had that even crossed my mind?" >< I know what you might be thinking, that I need some psychiatric help. Maayybe~ But all this while these conflicting thoughts had helped me a lot in making certain decisions. Especially the ones where you know you have to do the right thing but it just didn't seem right. It's like there's a weighing balance in my brain that weighs out the arguments of both sides, and the final decision is made. Of course my emotions and other stuff that might outweigh the arguments have already been taken into account. Ugh. I don't know why I'm sharing all these. I sound like a geek now......or maybe I already am. Whatever. I hadn't realised I've written this much. but since no one hardly reads my stuff I'll continue bullshitting.

Back to winter break. Ahh, back to home country. Of course, so good to be back. Missed my family. Missed my friends. Missed my dog. Missed the food. Missed the familiarity. Missed being able to speak mixed language and no one would not understand what I said. Missed being able to piss off someone instead of getting pissed at someone :P Home sweet home, they say. I couldn't agree more. But I found that I missed Aussie too. Mainly its weather, but alongside with that a couple of other peeps. Or just one, really. *Sigh* No matter how many times I have a crush on someone and failed myself, I just couldn't stop myself from having it. I assume it's normal. Unless...... No. It should be... Anyway, I always wished that we could end up being more than friends but I guess God has other plans for me. I just wish he could hurry up and match me to someone that really loved me and cared about me, and of course I feel the same way for him too. And keep in mind that this is a lover I'm asking for, so don't start on families. I know I'm just 20 years old, young and new and all, but could I at least have a serious relationship already? Geez. It's not like I'm asking for much. Am I? I don't even have any experience on this. Makes me feel so insecure and pathetic, and I hate being that way. >< I am not pathetic. LOL Every night I tried praying, but I know I'll need the courage too. I shouldn't talk too much about this (I know I did already) but I just wanted to update that, my heart is still with me :P I suck at writing so please excuse me. But really, it's not like I wanted or expected anyone to understand me. 'Cause I don't, do I? 

I'll end it here. Thank you (if anyone's reading) for taking your time to read all that I wrote (honestly I can't even remember what I just wrote in the first paragraph now). I don't mean to sound like I have an audience but just in case I do, thanks and always know that you're the best. Spread the love and awesomeness. 

Night.

Sem 2 starts.. *groan*

It's a brand new semester. Everyone's pumped. I'm not. Who knows what the world's going to throw at you? Could be a cake, could be a rock. I'm not going to get my hopes up this time. Oh, I'm excited alright. Who wouldn't be? It's a new semester. I just won't get TOO excited. Not going to expect too much from the world. Instead, this time I'll expect a little more from myself. 

I am twenty years old. I need to do something that I've never done before. Not for anyone, not to please anyone but myself. I have to prove to myself that I can do it if I have the will power and to give myself more rewarding goals to achieve, meanwhile learning something from the struggle. I can't believe I just thought about this. It was like my life before was not really well-lived or something. :P

So here's what I've been wanting to do: (more to come, I'm sure)

- start and finish a book (that's writing one, of course)

- bake a cake or something and share it with someone

- go watch a live sports (any would do)

- improve my writing skills (how? hmm.. by reading more articles and stuff?)

- make a timetable of some sort and stick to it (hey, an organised person are always more productive... So they say ;P)

- be sure to say something positive/encouraging/loving to everyone everyday

- be sure to study and do some revision every night (if not at any other times)

- get a decent part time job (perfect your resume before applying :D)

- manage finances wisely (ALWAYS keep track of the expenses)

- set a target grade to achieve for each unit of study 

- go travelling/backpacking/camping with a bunch of mates

- go volunteer in some national parks of Africa (definitely doing this *_*)

- go get some idea of what real veterinarians do (I am sad to say I haven't really seen much of their routine) and if possible, work at a vet hospital (I am a vet to be, after all!)

- when I settle down (ambiguous term I know but hey who knows), I want a pet dog, cat, parrot, turtle, guinea pig, hamster, snake (non-venomous and not aggressive) and a rabbit :DDD (or at least some of them ^^) 

- Star gazing in the country with a SO (or SO's?) :P 

- BE HAPPY!

Alright, that should be it for now. Sounded more like a resolution xD But the point is, I guess, to always have a goal and work hard towards achieving it so that it gives living a good purpose. :DD

I guess that's my bucket list right there ;P I'll add more to it soon. I know I will. :D

Because you only live once, people. 

Life in Oz

Oh my dog.. It's my blog.. I'm back to blogger! And this time I have my own laptop! Let's see how long can I keep this up before I actually forget about this again. I am so not a routine person. I just loved writing blogs and diaries because you could always write everything and anything here that you just couldn't share and tell it to anyone else. And because no one really bothers to read someone else's blogs -unless they write it really good- I really enjoyed typing all my concerns and troubles and doubts out. Even though this really doesn't solves anything, but at least I found a place to pour everything out. Happy or unhappy. With that, welcome to a new era of my blogging days.

So, this is my 3rd month in Aussie. I have only managed to visit some of the places in Sydney such as the Darling Harbour, The Rocks and the famous Opera House. And of course my university. Everything's going fine here, with the exception of some occasional misunderstandings (or was it just me?) arising because I can't converse well in English and because I can't put to good use all the vocabularies I've learnt in my 20 years of life. Let me tell you, unable to express yourself to the others is the most annoying thing ever. And then there's the entirely different culture and thinking part. Ugh, I hate arguing. Even when it's for the best of someone. Haha, not. I used to argue with anyone -anyone at all- when I don't think like they do. It's fun, and sometimes it helps you to think out of the box. But that was me arguing in my mother tongue. The language I grew up using it to argue with people. And I do it with style too (LoL). But it's so different here. Sometimes I don't even feel like talking, because I feel it'll just make me look stupider. I'm still learning, and one day I'll be able to argue and crack jokes just like I used to do it in my first language. I'm progressing.

That was my social part. Economically, I should think that I am still coping pretty well over here. Even though the exchange rate increased again. T^T Stop it already, my dad's not an expatriate anymore and I don't have enough savings in my account. What I spent is mostly on the groceries and sundries, just the necessities. Can't afford to eat out even for once a week. Thus you can imagine that my menu will vary only slightly. I mean, at least I'm cooking right? What do you expect for a student living by herself to cook? A different menu everyday? I'd rather spend that time chilling! xD Because I need that. Chilling and relaxing, I mean. Being a veterinarian isn't that easy, you know. Especially when there is a certain grade that you will have to achieve before you can actually start doing the vet course. Plus there are a whole lot of people trying really hard to get into the course from the other relevant courses. Which, is really annoying. I think most of us secretly see each other in the other courses as rivals. The point is that, I have to work really hard -like extra hard- to stay in the course. The first two years are really crucial. They assess us based on these two years and if we don't get 75% and above, it's bye bye for you now. You get to go to the Bachelor of Animal Veterinary Bioscience, which I'm not saying is a bad course but it's kind of not what I imagined I wanted to be. I wanted to practice in a clinic and be able to help pets and their owners. So I am going to get into the vet course no matter what. (Unless I really can't stand blood or I can't dissect D:) But I am going to do my best to stay in the game. No one's taking away my dream. Not when I've gone this far to achieve it.

Oops, looks like I've put my studies part in that economics paragraph. Oh well, I'm not submitting this as my report now so I don't think it matters. Oh it's soooo good to have your own laptop and typing everything up. Being able to type fast is one good skill to have. ^^ I think some part time jobs requires people to that typed really fast. That's for keying data of some sort, I believe.

Life in Aussie alone. First time being abroad alone. Stepping into a university for the first time. Alone. Walking home alone. Being in the room alone. Sleeping alone. Sounds reaaaally scary and daunting at first, but now I think I'm pretty much used to it. I can live with it. And then there's always my families and friends occasionally checking up on me. Those times are nice too. And of course meeting new people, being friends with them, all these is always exciting. I would have to end this post now by saying thank God for bringing me here and giving me such wonderful opportunities. And also thank you for all the amazing people and annoying people I've met over all these years. I wouldn't be the person I am now if it weren't for them. God bless my loved ones. Love the world. Love my life. Goodnight, world. I'm gonna continue to study in my bed now, until I fall asleep. ;D

让我忘了你是谁。

告诉自己，如果我肯放下，好好段练自己的话，以后机会多得是。只要我肯做，没什是不可能的。总有一天，你的名字、姓氏，会变成一个我记得却又不想记住的往事。曾要自己一忍再忍，因为像许多爱情故事一样，美好的爱情总是没那么简单得到。当时的决心，蒙蔽自己双眼。其实根本不能把故事与现实相比。得到又怎么样，失去真的会很痛苦？再想想，只要现在肯做，应该未为迟。所以，请赐予我力量，让我有能力，把该做的事办好，把不该做的事放下。不该忘了，这一切其实都不属于你我。

我很想有人懂.. 很想很想，有一次，有人能真的了解... 我知道，根本不可能.. 但是，我很在乎你.. 你懂不懂？ 有吃得饱吗？有没有开心？虽然不曾说，但还真希望你都感受到..这份眷恋.. 大概，都会说不可能吧？习惯，就好。太多的可能，变成的，只会是永远不可能而已。奢望没多大..只是真的很想看见你的快乐，分享你的怒哀.. 原来！原来他们都说谎！说时间久了，便能渐渐遗忘..但原来时间让我栽的更深..已经不想再去想别的什么...只妄想时间能永远永远停止。在看见你的那个时刻... 我知道我并不寂寞,但是不知道为什..想到你，觉得很寂寞.. 原来已经想要逃避，逃避自己的感情。没人能谈心的我，除了半夜痛哭一场，真的很不知要怎么做了..明白，不是你的错，你也没什么务必要关心我.. 但有时候，有一些时候，这些无心的，很正常的举动，伤了我很多很多.. 本以为，自己有多强...可是在你面前，我只能掩饰自己的真情感。因为不想你为难.. 所以有时候乱想，如果有一天，能像戏里的角色一样，丢下你自个儿出走，有多好..因为，已永远不必担心，是否再见到你后，又无法入睡，无法自拔。